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  1. On a date, a guy actually told me 'he's a no rice, no spice kinda guy.' WTF.
  2. Dealing with racism in gay online dating
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You're cute, but no Asians for me. Sorry, but apologetic openings don't redeem you as a good human being.

On a date, a guy actually told me 'he's a no rice, no spice kinda guy.' WTF.

Short and to-the-point with why I wasn't wanted, I started feeling like the majority of guys didn't have any interest in me because I am Asian. Eventually became fed up and got off apps, and continue to put little effort in online dating. I recall the first few months being app-less, going out more with friends, not looking to hook-up, or even find Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet—just interacting with the gay community IRL to see what would or could happen. But even offline here in "progressive" Vancouver, the attitude towards gay Asian men is disappointingly reflective or a result of treatment received online.

The one that still stands out for me to this day was when I met a guy through a friend, who I eventually asked out for coffee. When we were leaving, he said to me that he wasn't looking for anything more than being friends; that he was a no rice, no spice kinda guy when it came to intimate relationships.

Dealing with racism in gay online dating

A phrase that is typically used online was said to me in-person with such casual bravado, and I was basically left speechless until after the fact where I thought of many worthwhile responses. This is a very blunt example of how online discrimination can be felt in real life, because as I spoke to other gay Asian men in Vancouver for this story they all touched upon that even though racism towards Asians is so upfront online, they've felt it in real life on a more subtle, but just as hurtful, level. For this reason, Alex, a year-old writer and first generation Chinese-Canadian said it makes discrimination more difficult to process and confront.

If anything it's more subtle, more ambiguous," he told me. But I'll notice, for example, white guys checking out other white guys.


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The way Asians are treated online informs Alex's reasons for feeling less desired. He says questions his own physical attractiveness in the eyes of white men, or wonders if he never catches a glance from someone simply because he's Asian.

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